If You Give a Wizard a Computer
by i need not a name
Summary: What happens if you give a wizard a computer... He/she will ask for Facebook, Chatrooms, and Fanfiction of course! Oneshots about the Harry Potter characters and their battle with... THE INTERNET!
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: When You Give a Wizard a Computer...**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, if I would I would be living in England.**

**This is my first story…. so it probably sucks. If I get reviews encouraging me, then I'll probably turn this into a bunch of weird oneshot-ish stories of the Harry Potter people on computers doing different stuff like Facebook or just chatrooms or….stuff o.o and most of the stories are going to be not related so…..Hope you enjoy!**

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><p>"Bloody hell….. What is that?"<p>

"It is a computer Ronald, a muggle device."

"Why is it here…"

Ron and Hermione were sitting in their house discussing the muggle device in their living room.

"It is here so we can hook up with our Hogwarts classmates."

"Hook up?"

"A muggle term."

"Why have you turned so…. so… muggle all of a sudden, Hermione?"

It was easy to say that this was Hermione's last nerve.

"Because, Ronald, unlike you, I like to try new things!" With that she stalked away. "And don't be surprised when you end up on the sofa tonight!" she called over her shoulder.

_Man I wonder what happened to her_, Ron thought_, maybe she's on her time of the month. Well since this copooper, or something is here, I'll guess I'll give it a try. _

When finally turning the computer on (it took at the least an hour and lots of pokes with his wand), Ron took one look at the screen, ran away, and copoopered in his pants, all in one second!

The screen was a spider.

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><p><strong>Rate, review, and tell me what you think, this is my first story, so don't be too mean. Hate it, Love it? If you guys hate it….. I'll just stop writing this.<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: The Potters' Reaction**

**Disclaimer: Yeah….. no**

**I'm not gonna do the actual computer stuff yet, I'm too scared. So here is Harry and Ginny's reaction.**

"Ginny, why is a computer here?"

"I don't know Harry, Hermione gave it to me. So that's what it's called. She gave it to me saying you would know what it is."

The two were looking at a computer in the middle of their living room.

"Well let's not just stand here, what does this….. _thing _do, Harry?"

"It lets us go on the internet."

"I'm not even going to ask. So, do something!"

What Harry did was turn on the computer.

Ginny gasped and ran behind Harry. "Muggles know how to use magic?"

"No Ginny, it is electricity. You know, now that I think about it, it _is_ kind of like magic, muggle magic."

"Bloody hell, you got that, too?" said a voice behind the two.

"Ron, what are you doing here….. and wearing my pants?" Harry asked Ron.

"Hermione got mad at me, went to the bedroom, where my pants are, and I really needed some pants," was the answer Harry and Ginny received.

"Let me guess, you saw a spider?" Ginny teased Ron.

"Well, not exactly, I saw a spider on that…. _thing_."

"Really, I was just guessing."

"You know Ron, as much as you're my best friend, you can't stay here."

"Fine I'll go back, see you later." With that Ron apperated back to his, ahem, Hermione's house.

"Well Harry now that he's gone, let's start this…. copooper up."

Harry did not correct Ginny.

**I know, I know, it sucks, but give me a break. R&R. And I know I have not updated this… but it's only my first story so… R&R!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Malfoy Vs. Computer**

**Disclaimer: No way.**

**Hi guys, sorry for the really late update, but here it is! Sorry but I won't be doing the computer stuff… yet. But I will, sorry for the long wait, I need to get things organized, with school and all. So this is Draco Malfoy… *sigh* and Astoria's reactions. Thanks for the reviews, adding my story to story alert, and that one awesome person who added my story to the favorite list. Check out my other story, Ginny Gets Angry. ATLA = Avatar the Last Airbender. Here we go…**

"Aaaaahhhhhhh," an ear-piercing shriek ran through Malfoy Manor. And no, it wasn't Astoria Malfoy (nee Greengrass).

"What happened Draco," Astoria came through the door casually, as if she heard a girlish scream coming from Draco every single dreaded day, which she probably has.

Draco was cowering in the corner of the room pointing towards the computer in the middle of the room with the screen as the supermegafoxyawesomehot Tom Felton.

"That…. that…. thing there, it has a person exactly like me… and… and… AND IT'S NOT A MIRROR!" that last part was shrieked out.

Astoria facepalmed herself.

"Draco, that is another person, okay, he is an actor, for a movie called, Larry Sotter… or was it Carrie Dotter… well never mind, and this is just a muggle device called a computer."

"Oh. Well then, he is a good looking lad. Anyways, I was just a bit surprised by the copooper," Draco said trying to save himself from further embarrassment, although Astoria has been through much… too much.

~~~~~~~~~~10 minutes ago…~~~~~~~~

'Oh, what is this.' Draco was walking through his manor after a good sleep on his day off from work. A mysterious flashbulb lit above his head. 'Hmmmmm…. Let me try poking it.'

After 8 minutes of poking the computer with his wand, ATLA style, he jabbed the on button, which made the computer start to start itself up, which led to the screen turning on, and him going to the corner to be in the fetal position.

~~~~~~~~~~Present~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"First of all it's computer, not copooper, get that straight!"


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: CHATROOMS! (1)**

**I know this must be shocking… but I am not dead. I am so sorry for all of you that have waited *cough* probably no one *cough.* Okay, so this is about what happens in a computer. So this is them in a chatroom, when they are in Hogwarts in fourth year… somehow… I know the chatroom thing has been overdone, but that is what computers are her for. Oh and they are probably OOC… just letting ya know.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, or probably even the plot.**

**The chatroom names are just their regular names… I am not very creative…**

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><p><em>Harry Potter has entered in the chatroom<em>

_Hermione Granger has entered in the chatroom_

_Ron Weasly has entered the chatroom_

Ron W.: hiiiiii gaiiiis! :D

Harmione G.: Ronald that is not proper spelling, it should be 'Hi guys!'

Ron W.: Nice being a killjoy Hermione T.T

Harry P.: Be quiet, okay! We have bigger problems!

Ron W.: Like what…

Harry P.: Okay let's just see what has happened in the past, in first year there was the Sorcerer's **(A/N: Philosopher's to all you British peeps)** Stone, second year was the Chamber of Secrets, third year was Sirius Black and the dementors, ANYTHING can go wrong this year, probably revolving around me.

_Draco Malfoy has entered the chatroom_

_Gregory Goyle has entered the chatroom_

_Vincent Crabbe has entered the chatroom_

Draco M.: Looks like someone is full of themselves *cough* Potter *cough*

Vincent C.: Are you sick Draco?

Draco M.: NO, YOU IDIOT I AM- you know, nevermind. I never knew you could write!

Harry P.: You don't know what I have been through, obviously the problem is all my fault. T_T

Draco M.: Then go away! *mumbles* Terrorist.

Harry P.: You know, if you write mumble it does not really mumble.

Draco M.: Of course I know that, I would have expected the mudblood to say that. **(A/N: I am NOT a Dramione shipper! Sorry to all Dramione peoplezzz)**

Ron W.: Shut your trap Malfoy!

Draco M.: Don't get your maroon hand-sewn panties **(A/N: Are knickers and panties the same thing? I wanted to use knickers, but I have no idea what that is)** in a bunch!

Ron W.: How'd you know! The only one I told was Harry.

Everyone but Ron: O.O

Greg G.: If we are going to do confessions then… I AM A VAMPIRE AND MY HUSBAND IS THE SPARKLY EDWARD CULLEN!

Everyone but Goyle: O.o

Ron W.: I don't look so weird now do I?

Hermione G.: You still are O_O

_James S. Potter has entered the chatroom_

_Albus S. Potter has entered the chatroom_

_Lily L. Potter has entered the chatroom_

_Scorpius H. Malfoy has entered the chatroom_

James P.: Hi

Lily P.: Hiiiiii!

Harry P.: DAD, MOM, YOU ARE ALIVE!

James P.: No, I am your son and that is your daughter, and Al is also our brother.

Draco M.: Then that means… SCORPIUS? That cannot be my son, I would never name him that!

Scor M.: I am. By the way it is not your fault, your mom rekindled her relationship with Andromeda Tonks, and she wanted Scorpius to be her son's name, but she never had a son.

Hermione G.: If you are from the future, then you must know who we are going to marry.

James P.: Yeah, but we are not gonna tell you, that would go against our code of conduct. I just came here because I wanted to get back at Lily, so, to get her in trouble I will tell you, Dad…

Harry P.: Tell me what…

James P.: LILY AND SCORPIUS ARE DATING AND MIGHT GET MARRIED SO YOU MIGHT HAVE MALFOY GRANDCHILDREN!

Albus P.: I came here to tell you to NOT name me Albus Severus, I mean, were you drunk when you named me!

Lily P.: Great job James, now our whole future will get messed up. T.T

Scor M.: I just came here to say hi to my dad and tagged along with my best bud, Al, and Lily.

Draco M.: Hi… I guess…

Scor M.: XD

Albus P.: See, he's fine with it! Are you, Dad?

Harry P.: I WILL NOT STAND MY DAUGHTER OR SON GETTING ALONG WITH MALFOY'S OFFSPRING!

Albus P.: This would also be a great time to tell you that I am a Slytherin…

Harry P.: .

Draco M.: Calm down Potter, if we allow this to happen when we are older, then it is what it should be.

Harry P.: O.O You're fine with this?

Draco M.: Yeah.

James P.: Ugh…

Lily P.: Haha!

_James P. left the chatroom_

Lily P.: Bye Daddy! :D

Albus P.: Bye Dad!

Scor M.: Bye Dad!

_Albus P. has left the chatroom_

_Lily P. has left the chatroom_

_Scorpius M. has left the chatroom_

Ron W.: What the bloody hell was that!

Hermione G.: I think everyone is asking the same question…

Harry P.: REMIND ME TO NEVER NAME MY SON ALBUS SEVERUS! D:

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><p><strong>Again... I am so sorry for not uploading fast enough. Hope you liked it! RxR! Constructive criticism is allowed!<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Facebook (1) 5****th**** Year Part 1**

**Well… since you, my beautiful readers, have responded to this story, I have decided to quickly write another chapter. I was on Facebook when I wrote this sooooo… First I would like to give thanks to StarsofOz for putting me as a favorite author, author alert, favorite story, and story alert. I ould give thanks to EVERYONE that story alerted my story but I am lazy person, but anyone who story alerted, I sincerely thank you. (And to my wonderful reviewers! XD) This is set in 5****th**** year, the characters might be OOC, and I have not seen the movie or read the book in a looooong time so I migt be wrong about some things. Now on with the story…**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter DX**

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><p>Harry Potter: Just went against a group of Dementors, now I think the Ministry is angry at me… DX<p>

_Cornelius Fudge likes this_

Comments:

Cornelius Fudge: You are expelled from Hogwarts!

_Dolores Umbridge likes this_

Dumbledore: Do not worry Harry, I will come to your rescue…

Harry Potter: I'm screwed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dolores Umbridge is now working at Hogwarts

_Cornelius Fudge likes this_

Comments:

Harry Potter: Noooooooooooo…

Ron Weasly: Is this that Umbitch you were talking about.

_Dumbledore, Order of the Phoenix, and 500 others like this_

Dolores Umbirdge: Just for that, you are coming into my office for a… _talk._

_Cornelius Fudge likes this_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Harry Potter: Ugh… Now I have the scar saying 'I will not say Umbitch' on my hand.

_Draco Malfoy and 20 others like this_

Comments_:_

Draco Malfoy: Serves you right, Potter.

Ron Weasly: What the blood hell are you talking about Malfoy, you call Umbridge Umbitch all the time!

_Harry Potter and 350 others like this_

Draco Malfoy: SHUT THE HELL UP WEASEL!

Dolores Umbridge: Is that true Draco?

_Cornelius Fudge likes this_

Draco Malfoy: No, uh… he's lying!

Dolores Umbridge: Weasly come to my office, NOW!

_Cornelius Fudge likes this_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ron Weasly: MALFOY WILL PAY FOR THIS!

_Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and 10,000 others like this_

Comments:

Draco Malfoy: What did I do?

Ron Weasly: You lied about me lying, now I have 'I will not lie' on my freakin' hand you stupid friggin' ferret!

Harry Potter: I have that on my hand too! XD Now we can be BFFLs forever!

Ron Weasly: O.O WTF?

_Hermione Granger and 100,000 others like this_

Voldemort: Hehe… I kinda went in Potter's mind… it scarred him for life…

Harry Potter: Found what you want Tommy ;)

Voldemort: O.O

Cornelius Fudge: WHO CREATED A FAKE ACCOUNT WITH THE NAME VOLDEMORT ON IT!

_Dolores Umbridge likes this_

Voldemort: *facepalm*

_Harry Potter and entire wizarding world likes this_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dumbledore: Has anyone else noticed both Umbitch and Fudge like each other's statuses?

_Harry Potter and 5,000,000 others like this_

Comments:

Voldemort: Cuz no one else will bother liking them

_Dumbledore and 10,000,000 others like this_

**OMG! That was awful, probably the worst chapter yet. I do not blame anyone who flames it. I was going to create a Part 2 of this, about 5****th**** year, but now not so sure. If you do like this then don't only story alert this, REVIEW this! I'm begging you. So… yeah, that is it, RXR! 3 **


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 Chatrooms… Again **

**Hello my pretties . Well, it seems that doing a Facebook one is not very good for me T.T so I will be doing another chatroom. This came out on a whim and since I do not know what that means, this actually came out by me feeling bad to all my wonderful readers (if anyone reads this). This is set in… I think 6****th**** year (again, I have not read or seen this for a long time so I might be wrong in so many things). Here we gooooo…**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or anything you would know is not mine. (My Immortal the *shudder* fanfic if you can call it that is not mine, thank god.)**

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><p><strong>(AN: I'm not doing the logged in thing for the beginning since a lot of characters have been logged in, later in this chapter I will)**

Harry Potter: Wow… O.O I just saw sat on some old fat guy who I thought was a chair.

Horace Slughorn: You know, that old fat guy has a name…

Harry Potter: Yeah, maybe, but I don't give a shit, like me, the amazing Harry Potter would actually remember that guy's name.

Horace Slughorn: T_T Imma go jump off a cliff now.

_Horace Slughorn has left the chatroom_

Albie Dumbles: Harry! That was the chair guy. D: Now I'll just have to get Snape back to Potions and get another DADA teacher.

Severus Snape: WHAT! YOU KNOW WHAT IMMA KILL YOU RIGHT NOW, NO MORE WAITING!

Draco Malfoy: No, that's my job!

Albie Dumbles: Oh great. Great job Harry, great freaking job.

Harry Potter: My bad.

Voldie: Ugh… Great, now Dumbles will be dead before I want him to.

Harry Potter: Sorry bro.

Voldie: It's all right.

Ron Weasley: What the bloody hell is happening? I just went to go snog Hermione, and now Snape is going to go kill Dumbledore and Voldemort is talking to Harry as if they are not enemies?

Lavender Brown: Wait… what? You were snogging Hermione?

Ron Weasley: I'm screwed.

Harry Potter: Correction, you are now dead.

Ron Weasley: T.T Shut up Harry!

Hermione Stranger: RONALD! Why would you ever say that!

Voldie: Looks like someone's gonna get a whooping.

Draco Malfoy: Or a punch in the face.

Ginny Weasley: Oh Hermione, I can teach you how to do a strong Bat-bogey hex.

Luna Loves good: Or you can get the Nargles to do something.

Bellatrix the Strange: I can show you how to do the Cruciatus curse.

Hermione Stranger: I love how everyone thinks I am going to hurt him.

Ron Weasley: You aren't are you?

Hermione Stranger: Naw, I don't feel like it.

Ron Weasley: I love you Hermione!

Hermione Stranger: :D I love you too!

Ron Weasley: Baby you light up my world like nobody else.

_Lily L. Potter has logged on_

_Scor H. Malfoy has logged on_

_James S. Potter has logged on_

_Albus S Potter has logged on_

James Potter: Ugh… Aunt Hermione and Uncle Ron are disgusting.

Albus Potter: Just cause you can't get a date doesn't mean every couple showing love is disgusting.

Lily Potter: How do they know One Direction, it's from our time! :O

Scor Malfoy: Maybe Ron actually created the lyrics and gave it to them.

Ron Weasley: It is them again! O.O I remember you from two years ago.

Harry Potter: To those who don't know them, this is James Sirius Potter, Albus Severus Potter, Lily Luna Potter, and Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy.

Severus Snape: You named your son after me? *Tearing up*

Luna Lovegood: D'awwww Lily Luna.

Hermione Stranger: Uhhhhhh… you said Aunt Hermione and Uncle Ron, do me and him marry?

James Potter: It goes against what I believe in, but yeah.

Hermione Stranger: NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Ron Weasley: WTF, we are dating, isn't that good?

Hermione Stranger: Hehe… Oh my, look at the time, better go!

_Hermione Granger has left the chatroom_

Lily Potter: Great James, just great, now Rose and Hugo might not even be alive!

Harry Potter: Who do I marry?

Albus Potter: Ginny Weasley, A.K.A. Mom.

Lily Potter: Your sons are dimwits, dad.

Ron Weasley: WHAT! NO WAY, NOHOW! NOT WHEN I'M ALIVE!

Lily Potter: -_- Great, just great, now we won't be alive.

Scorpius Malfoy: I'll still be alive. :D

Ginny Weasley: Wait… me and Harry get married? YES!

Harry Potter: Erm…

Draco Malfoy: That awkward moment when your kids come from the future and probably mess up their whole lives. XD

Lily Potter: Wow… Scor is exactly like that.

Scorpius Malfoy: That awkward moment when your girlfriend says you are like your dad.

Draco Malfoy: That awkward moment when you and your son both say awkward moment…

Scorpius Malfoy: Well played dad, well played.

Draco Malfoy: I try. XD

Voldie: WHAT IS SO AWKWARD ABOUT THAT!

Scorpius Malfoy: You wouldn't understand, you are just not as cool as us, right dad?

Draco Malfoy: Er… right. Wait how old are you exactly right now?

Scorpius Malfoy: Last time we met I was 14, now I am 17, even though two years passed only, we came three years later. **(A/N: If you understand that)**

Draco Malfoy: That awkward moment when your son is older than you.

Voldie: Now that I can see as awkward.

Draco Malfoy: You know I have always wanted to ask this, but Voldie, do you have a child?

Bellatrix the Strange: No he does not Draco.

Harry Potter: How would you know Trixie, I know as a fact that Voldie got Moaning Myrtle pregnant. Why do you think he killed her with the basilisk? And why do you think she is called moaning? ;)

Voldie: You know what, I am going to give you a slow painful death! Anyways, I killed her before her bump showed.

Everyone but Harry and Voldie: O.O Did not need to know that.

Draco Malfoy: Sorry I asked. But why did you impregnate her?

Voldie: BECAUSE I LOVE HER! **(A/N: Reference to the worst fanfic :P) **

Draco Malfoy: Calm down, you are not me in a weird dimension created by Tara Gilesbie. *Shudder*

Harry Potter: Thank God!

Everyone: Amen.

James Potter: Well… gotta go. Come on second generation lets go.

_James, Lily, Albus, and Scor left the chatroom_

Enoby the Goff: Hiayeytrk gaiiaays. **(A/N: Supposed to be- Hey guys)**

Everyone: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! DON'T HURT ME, I'M INNOCENT!

Draco Malfoy: Well, I'm off to Pigfarts.

Albie Dumbles: Wait Draco, take me with you! I want to see Rumbleroar!

Rumbleroar: ROOOAAAARRR!

Enoby **(Shudder)** the Goff: Who wants to f**k me!

_Everyone has left the chatroom_

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><p><strong>So, how'd you guys think? Review and tell me your opinioncomment/constructive criticism. I referenced My Immortal, A Very Potter Musical, and maybe other things, like One Direction :D Hope you enjoyed this installment and hope you review if you read I might be doing an actual serious story or maybe a bunch of crackfic oneshots, or maybe even both, so look forward to that as well as this.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7 Watching Youtube**

**I am so sorry for not updating for about 3-5 months, I was busy with school and my new cat :3 So if this story is good with you people and I get positive reviews on the Youtube thing, then I'll do one with AVPS as one reviewer requested, I didn't do it here because I haven't seen it :P Hope you enjoy! Post-Hogwarts**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything.**

It was a normal day at the Potter household, Ginny flying on her broom, Harry sleeping with his wand, James on his computer looking up pranks, Al feeding his poisonous King Cobra called Fluffy, Lily kissing a poster of a guy in One Direction, and the house cat called Scales knocking every possible fragile object in the house to the ground. Ah, what a wonderful day, until laughter is heard from one of the kids' rooms.

Everyone stopped what they were doing and ran to James' room.

"What happened?" asked a worried Ginny

"Ugh James do you ever clean your room?" exclaimed Lily.

"Yes, every first Tuesday of July- But that's not why I laughed, it is because of this funny muggle site called Youtube, stupid name, but it is like magical photos, though very different too, like a TV but on the computer. And it has hilarious videos." replied James.

"Wait, does it have music too?" asked Lily.

James reply was, "Yup, loads, but most of Youtube-Heck, most of the internet is made of cats."

Scales was very interested now, she wants to see the lives of cats who live with muggles, without magic.

"What about ssssnakesssss?" asked Fluffy.

Now Harry, knowing Parseltongue, asked James this question. "Guess we'll just have to find out," was the reply.

************************************** Day Later*****************

In Harry's adventure with Youtube, he was searching up things with the Golden trio and everyone in Hogwarts at that time. Then he found videos of couples with different songs, some were Ginny/Harry, Hermione/Ron, and even Luna/Neville. Suddenly, a wild Harry/Draco video shows up, and Harry, being the stupidest guy ever, clicked on it. That night and the following year he could not get any sleep whatsoever.

Ginny had her own adventure, she was watching a movie part by part about Harry's life at Hogwarts called Harry Potter, the characters looked them at that age, and she wondered what sort of stalker and rulebreaker knows her husband's life so well. She pondered this for a week before starting to read the books.

James found some internet comedian called Fouseytube **(A/N: Yousef is AWESOME and hilarious, you should go check him out. And I don't own him either.) **Even though James was not a Muslim **(A/N: I am!) **or a Middle Eastern person, but this guy was very funny. For the next month James was quoting lines from this Youtubian, things like, "FACEBOOOOOOOOK!" or "SALAAAAAAM!" and much more.

Albus found some videos called "A Very Potter Musical" and it's sequel. He wondered who Cho and Cedric Diggory were, and he found out that Hugo, his cousin, must be a great finder. He also wondered if Scorp's dad is really a girl who rolls around a lot… Al was inspired by Darren Criss, and wanted to meet him, so he auditioned for _The Glee Project_ so he can get in _Glee_ to meet him.

Lily, along with Scales and Fluffy, were scouring Youtube for cat videos and anything related with animals. She found this very cute cat video called "Singing Kitties" by Rathergoodstuff, it was ADORABLE! (if you're a cat person that is.) For the next year she kept videotaping her cat (who she changed the name to Snow White because she thought the name Scales was absurd for a pure white cat) hoping her cat would one day be famous on the internet. Fluffy the snake was also being taped, but with less confidence that he would become famous.

There ya have it folks, the effect of Youtube on an ordinary magical family. Maybe sometime later you will find yourself on this Youtube place looking at weird videos of the Potter family trying to be comedians, singers, adorable cats, or much much more.

**Yay, I finally finished it! I actually started this about a month ago, but got on a writer's block. Thankfully I have more ideas on what to do next! And check out the videos I said about in this chapter, they are actually very good! Well… No Name signing out, BYE!**


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